A guide to effective scientific communication

I stole this section from a workshop that I went to this week on how to be a better graduate student.  I thought many of you would enjoy them, I know I did.


It has long been known
(I haven’t bothered to look up the reference)

It is believed
(I think)

It is generally believed
(A couple of other guys think so too)

It is not unreasonable to assume
(If you believe this, you’ll believe anything)

Of great theoretical importance
(I find it kind of interesting)

Of great practical importance
(I can get some mileage out of it)

Typical results are shown
(The best results are shown)

3 samples were chosen for further study
(The others didn’t make sense, so we ignored them)

The 4 hour sample was not studied
(I dropped it on the floor)

The 4 hour determination may not be significant
(I dropped it on the floor, but scooped most of it up)

The significance of these results is unclear
(Look at the pretty artifact)

It has not been possible to provide definitive answers
(The experiment was negative, but at least I can publish the data somewhere)

Correct within an order of magnitude

It might be argued that
(I have such a good answer for this objection that I shall now raise it)

Much additional work will be required
(This paper is not very good, but neither are all the others in this miserable field)

These investigations proved highly rewarding
(My grant is going to be renewed)

I thank X for assistance with the experiments and Y for useful discussion on the interperetation of the data
(X did the experiment, and Y explained it to me)

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